3 REMINDERS 2019 GAVE ME

2019 was hard. Want the perfect recipe for overwhelm + burnout? Try this: A new marriage, momma to a newborn + a teenager, a stressful 9 to 5 and a heart full of plans. At least this was true for me. I was managing a lot and felt totally stressed out + overwhelmed. I had this unrealistic idea that if I hurry and get “there” things would be better. First, where is “there”? And why you in a hurry sis? I needed to take some to adjust my thinking.

When things feel hectic on the outside it’s usually an indication of the imbalance + unsettledness that exists of the inside. Around my birthday and at the close of the year is usually when I take inventory of my personal life. Looking for the patterns and lessons of the season I’m in, identifying what needs pruning and trimming. I started that a little earlier this year. Deliberately slowing down to pinpoint the disconnect.

Here’s some of what I found.

Reminder #1: What you’re waiting for will require more work from you. 

When I got married, my husband moved into my condo. My condo was the perfect amount of space when it was just my daughter and I. Add a husband and a baby and suddenly that which was once comfortable is now not.  One of the things I really wanted us to accomplish in 2019 was purchasing a new home. After many in-depth discussions, we decided that 2019 was not the year to do this. It was the right decision but that didn’t help my pang of disappointment. So, what came next? Me endlessly daydreaming about how my life would be better if I had the “perfect home.” And I had all the bells and whistles to accompany my obsession. Secret Pinterest boards full of inspiration, a million décor screen shots of the perfect accent wall, subscriptions to all home decor sites. When this obsession led to me losing appreciation for the home I did have because it wasn’t what I wanted, it was time to check myself.

Although purchasing a new home will be exciting and rewarding, it will also be more work. The house hunting process will take time and energy. My monthly expenses will probably increase. The cleaning, maintenance, upkeep will be multiplied in some measure or another. Placing a greater demand on me, my time, and resources.

My point? Appreciate where you are and what you have. Enjoy and maximize this season. Because when you achieve or acquire whatever you’re after, it will have its own set of challenges, tests, and struggles attached to it. The idea of perfection in your head won’t be the totality of your experience. The change we seek usually challenges us in more ways than we expect or anticipate. So, keep working towards your dreams but don’t obsess over them with angst. It creates an unhealthy mindset and the heavy load of worry will only slow you down. Will it be enjoyable once you get there? Yes, mostly. Now picture your future self holding up a “more work required” sign in the distance. Remember both when you’re tempted to discount where you are and what you have now.

Reminder #2: Figure out what fills you up and do more of that.

I become a mother in my early twenties. My daughter became my entire world when she was born. I completely lost myself at a critical time in my development as a young adult. It took me years to recover from that. And if I’m honest, I never did - fully. Just as I begin to find the balance of being a mother and being myself, I got married and had another baby. So here I am again in 2019 learning this lesson again (Insert audible sigh). What I’m getting this time that I didn’t fully get the last is that there’s an entire woman outside being someone else’s anything that needs to be nurtured and fed.

This isn’t where I tell you to drink more water, eat balanced meals, and exercise. All those things are an absolute necessity so please do them (we can talk about this in another post). But for now, I’m talking about discovering the things that make you feel alive. The stuff that fills you up and makes you stand tall. Something that is totally yours to own. The place where you can create and be with no rules, no inhibitions, and no judgments. The place where no one else is needed. Just you, your imagination and every possibility it holds.

For me, this is writing. Sometimes it’s fiction, non-fiction, journaling, etc. Sometimes my writing is good, sometimes not. Unless I’m working on a project, I don’t worry about it being “good’. The act is what I love. It works my brain, taps into my imagination, allows for self-expression, and creates this tension between ease and difficulty that I love to play in. It’s my own art. It checks all the boxes for me and helps me thrive in a way I can’t fully explain.

What is that thing for you? Gardening, collecting, acting, painting, sewing, crafting, singing, dancing, running. Consider what ignites, illuminates, and energizes you. Or what would? Discover it and do it as often as you can.

As women, we play so many roles. Losing ourselves in all the ways we serve is easy to do. Actively working to define and cultivate our identities outside of those roles is a must. Part of the reason for you being here is to fully express yourself. Please make every effort to prioritize yourself in this way. It’s one of the most rewarding investments you can make. Trust me, you’re deserving.

Reminder #3: There’s a time to pour and a time to refill.

My focus at the start of the year was activity and progress. I wanted to look back and see all that I had produced. Over the years, I’ve wrestled with a great deal of self-doubt and failed to make time for my truest desires.  I had not made any moves on things I really wanted to do with my life. I wanted to make 2019 the year that I do the work. Not thinking, planning, or dreaming about the work but, the actual work. So, when I reached the point where I needed to pause and evaluate some things, I didn’t want to. I could feel the need to rest, restore, and refresh but I wanted to keep going.   

“Keep going” can sometimes look like a pause or break. Moving forward can sometimes mean standing still to consider what should come next. Things to do while you break but don’t quit: Pray, rest, get quiet, reflect, re calibrate, consider a pivot, unpack your stuff, make space in your heart, ask for help (and then receive it), and allow for forgiveness (for yourself and others).

My warning: Keep seeking, discovering, starting over, pursuing, exploring, loving, trying, hoping until you get there. And there looks different for all of us. My 2nd warning: Don’t keep grinding, working, creating, pouring, and ignoring all the red flags that need your attention. Don’t ignore you. Stop to refill when you need to. And when it’s time to pour again, it will be that premium, grade A, good-good that you can be proud of.

I started out saying 2019 was hard. Let me complete that statement. 2019 was hard but beautiful. I grew and expanded in all the ways I needed to. I have more clarity about what I want to pursue and how. I’m standing taller in the vision I see for myself. And despite the hard days, I just keep getting better and better. I’m thankful for that.

What did last year teach you? Let’s chat in the comments.