EXACTLY WHERE YOU SHOULD BE

You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Believing this use to be a struggle for me.

By 24, I was a six-year college student living on section 8 with a newborn baby. I came dangerously close to dropping out of college but thankfully, a friend talked me out of it. I was a walking statistic. More than being one, I felt like one – unseen and unheard.

When it comes to late starts with few wins and long, hard roads, I lived it. And it was hard. Really hard. Mostly on my self-perception and confidence. When there’s a disparity between your reality and the life you want for yourself, separating your circumstances from your value + worth can be difficult sometimes. The greater the disparity, the more blurred the lines.

I know your lines may get blurred too sometimes but I don’t believe you’re behind or running late for your destiny. I believe you are your destiny. You are creating your destiny each day with every choice and decision you make. You hold the power to create the life you want.

Let’s talk about why you feel you need to “catch up” and what really keeps you wishing you were somewhere else in life.

You feel guilt, regret, and shame over your past mistakes and failures. Pasts can be tricky. You can relive them every day if you’re not careful. I don’t know your story. I do know whatever happened back there, you were able to survive. Honor your past by being honest about the pain of it. Own it by using every resource you must to heal from the trauma of it. Live beyond it by addressing all the ways it conditioned you to think and behave.

I’m not saying the mistakes + missed opportunities didn’t cost you anything. Of course, they did. Those were real setbacks with real consequences. But I’m also saying it doesn’t have to be the end. Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know and who you were back then. Start fresh today with all the lessons and every bruise. It’s the only way to ensure the future will be different.

I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” Maya Angelou

You have survived 100% of your bad days. That’s plenty of history telling you to keep moving forward. Surviving is one thing, living is another. And it’s time for you to live. Live the life you were designed + made for.

You’re comparing your life to someone else’s. When you look over at your friend (or even a stranger) they seem to have it all: the job, the business, the guy, the house, the car, the children . . .. the dream. And you want next. You’re ready for your turn, right?

Only you can create change in your life with a consistent, deliberate effort. Envy and preoccupation with someone else’s life won’t get you there.

“It is disrespectful to your Creator for you to want to be someone else.” Achie McEachern.

You can look to others for inspiration, but you should never want to become them. And why should you? Look at you, you’re loaded! Full of ideas, imagination, potential, and power.  It’s your responsibility to use all those things to create a life you love living.

Your life deserves your attention so focus on you and not the crowd. The dream you have will have to be built, one day at a time. Be patient with yourself as you build + keep doing the work.

You think “there” is where you will find happiness. Have you ever heard the saying, how you do one thing is how you do everything? I know it sucks to admit but it’s true.

If you mismanage $1000 you will probably mismanage a million. If you’re anxiety driven + easily stressed at your job, you will probably be anxiety driven + easily stressed when you start your business. If you’re insecure + unhappy as a single woman, you will probably be insecure + unhappy as a married woman.

“How you are now, is how you will be then” – Stacey Flowers

We tend to think that there’s magic in acquiring what we want. Convinced that getting what we want will change us and make us better. So, I’m here, to be the not-so-fun reality check (or reminder) you need to tell you that getting the “stuff” won’t change you, it will only reveal what’s there.

I have been here a time or two before, here’s how I gained a healthier perspective:

(1) I owned the honest, ugly truth about how I was showing up in my life. Most of us know what’s really holding us back in life. Are you inconsistent? A procrastinator? Do you have toxic relationships? Have a lot of negative self talk? Stop pretending you’re not struggling when you are. Admit it. Then explore all the ways you can get help with the things that keep you bound. Do the work so you can begin to operate with peace, confidence, joy and happiness. Getting it now is the only way you can have it then.

(2) I started operating with extreme gratitude for what I have + where I am. As we pursue our dreams, we must be mindful to acknowledge that our lives are beautiful now. You’ve come so far and accomplished so much. I think that’s worth celebrating. Take a few moments every day to consider what you’re grateful for. Gratitude helps keep me present + settled when I get too consumed with what’s to come.  

What I’m saying to you, I’m also saying to me. Because sometimes in life you get repeat lessons + hard reminders about where you are and what’s needed next.

You know the biggest problem with all the above? It keeps distracted from doing the work. What if you shifted from “I’m so far behind” to ‘Here’s what I can do right here, right now with what I have.”

Your purpose, your vision, your mission will take time to unfold. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be to do the work that needs to be done right now. There is no greater strategy for success than small, consistent efforts over time. Keep showing up for yourself one day at a time until you get there.

This can be your beautiful beginning, or this could be where you give up. It’s your choice, sis. Your choice.